Of Course I Didn't Put a Ring On It...

I was going to lay some groundwork for this entry with a few observations about song lyrics, but the issue I wish to discuss is becoming so urgent in my mind that there is no room for delay. I believe firmly in the dignity and virtue of women. There is a need in Western Civilization, if not in the whole world, for more positive female examples in the Arts. This need includes popular songs, a field in which females are often rewarded for exploiting their femininity. But the more I hear "Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)," the more insulted I feel that this song should be so popular as an anthem for anything.

That's right. I'm taking Beyoncé on. I may alienate friends or family, but the truth must prevail.

"Single Ladies" could have worked much better. The concept has potential, and the tune has some fun, exciting moments. It begins as the title says:

All the single ladies/Now put your hands up.

It's a rally. The phrases glide of the tongue. We're gathered today to celebrate the unattached ladies of the world, who don't need anyone's pity. The chorus is pretty good, too:

Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
Cause if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it

I'll point out that "shoulda put a ring" hides a little rhyme, adding punch to the lesson for whoever dumped the girl. And I don't know if I would have thought of rhyming the line with "he want it." Sometimes it pays to stretch the boundaries of acceptable rhymes. Now what story do the verses tell?

Up in the club, we just broke up
I'm doing my own little thing
You decided to dip, and now you wanna trip
Cause another brother noticed me

Okay, she's back on the scene, being her pretty self, and caught someone's eye. She's getting someone jealous because she can get any man she wants now.

I'm up on him, he up on me
Don't pay him any attention
Just cried my tears for 3 good years
You can't be mad at me

This is where I begin to question. Revenge is good and all, but isn't she just jumping back in with someone after a three-year abusive relationship? Doesn't she want to enjoy her freedom for a while? She might make "All the Single Ladies" jealous at having landed another man so soon.

The second verse offers more of the same, but some of the words seem like filler:

I got gloss on my lips
A man on my hips
Hold me tighter than my Derion jeans
Actin' up, drink in my cup
I could care less what you think

Was it necessary to specify there was a drink in the cup? Do nuts or nachos get served in cups at night clubs? I was at a wedding reception and didn't have a glass for toasting the couple. I had to use the miniature glass at the table that was filled with M&M's. Maybe nothing serious goes on between two people at a club if they only eat nuts from a cup. As for "I could care less what you think," if you didn't pay attention in English class, you won't pay attention to me.

I need no permission, did I mention
Don't pay him any attention
Cause you had your turn
And now you gonna learn
What it really feels like to miss me

Yes, Beyoncé, you did mention it. I know you're trying to make things rhyme but it sounds like you've run out of things to say, or you aren't even keeping track of what you're saying.

Now the song gets pretty darn funny:

Don't treat me to these things of the world
I'm not that kind of girl
Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve

In the first place, is she addressing the same guy? The one who made her "cry her tears for three long years?" Why would she prefer/deserve his love? And why is she playing with some new guy when she still has feelings for someone else? The new guy will not be pleased that she's taking out her feelings on him.

In the second place, how did we get sidetracked into the song "Can't Buy Me Love?" She's trying to say she isn't worldly or high maintenance, but what does that have to do with the guy's lack of commitment?

Is a man that makes me then takes me
And delivers me to a destiny
To infinity and beyond

Does she sound needy to anyone else, wanting a man to take her and deliver her? Maybe she exhausted her boyfriend and she's looking for fresh meat to prey on. Maybe she's never stood on her own feet in her life. Quoting "Toy Story" in describing her romantic ideal suggests that she has some growing up to do.

Pull me into your arms
Say I'm the one you want
If you don't you'll be alone
And like a ghost I'll be gone

I thought she was already gone. She's in the club with a new guy. I don't think she's completely gotten over the breakup. She doesn't seem like such a strong example for "Single Ladies" anymore. What could have been a very biting vindication for women collapsed from a weak foundation in the lyrics.

There are healthier substitutes. I prefer "Someday" by Mariah Carey, or "Karma" by Alicia Keys. My Fair Lady had fun with "Without You" and still had room for the chauvinistic "Hymn to Him." Join me in finding more songs that Single Ladies can actually be proud to sing.